Sunday, 30 May 2010
love is the binding force♥
someone once told me,
"i wonder how many times you have been stabbed."
well, i'm used to being dao-ed.HAHA:D
today, received sth totally unexpected. O.o
__&__seem to be sharing a strange affinity! LOL
and i just find it interesting, since there's also a sense of disgust going on in between.
hm heaven likes to make fun of ppl eh?
PLEASE SMILE!(: forever & always.
cuz i dunno how to react everytime i hear a comment abt you.
i like to take everything positive, but you must also give me a reason to believe so! :D
and maybe hopefully, perceptions can be changed(:
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-21:08
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
you lift my feet off the ground♥
3/1'10 ! although we didnt win, but it's okay(:
we're just too good and beyond other ppl's comprehension. LOL
(zoom in to see.warning: might be hard to spot for ppl who dont see me everyday)
i didnt help out with the banner O.o oops=X
cuz had cca meeting and i was stoning at home-.-""
anyway bean has artistic talent! so cool:D
and it's great to know that nice guys DO exist. hahah(:
my l1r5 hit 21-.-" wth. all thanks to CA1,pull my grades down,haiya
and OMG I"M SO SORRY WYATT
i didnt mean to demoralise you so bad! ):
cuz i've forgotten that not everyone is numb to pain like me.
i've turned into a cold-blooded person.
__probably hates me now, cuz i'm ignoring him a lot.
__ & __ must have gotten super fed-up with me.cuz i'm more concerned with sch.
gahh. cant satisfy everybody righttt..
therefore
DEAR FRIENDS,
vanessa has decided to kill her social life this june hols in accordance to her wish to not add on to 3/1's MSG. i obviously cant balance so many things, so i dont have a choice but to be a no life-er. O.o pls pls understand! only study dates & lunches @yishun area will be entertained(:
AND I LOVE YOU YUJIA! thanks for showing support & encouragement:D
super sweet.usually seniors become strangers once they graduated, but no.nothing has changed between us yayyy. damn touching, that sms really meant a lot
thankyou for coming back to andss todayy! ((((((:
but somehow i cant cry purely cuz of feelings these days.unless it has got to do with my family & certain friends. the hard contact lens is so bloody!@#$%. irritating, keep on shifting out of place. and apparently i get runny nose whenever the 'foreign object' irritates the eye.why?
cuz when eye is irritated->tearing->brain thinks that i'm crying cuz i'm sad , thanks to the signals sent to the brain by the er,tear ducts(?)->diff signal from brain sent to whatever part to 'produce the mucus'
HAHAHAHAHHAAH :D i dunno how accurate this theory sounds O.o still loads to learn for bio
merly & leo. YOG mascots
"OH YEA OH YEA OH YEA HEY"
lameee-.-
satisfying my 'bimbo/camwhoring passion' *winks*
oh and check out this cute kitten that just WALKED into my house.
new cat, nvr see before downstairs O.o
i let it sleep on my dad's bed for half an hour! LOL
work of 'art' -gay smile-
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-21:15
Saturday, 22 May 2010
♥
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIA EN DEAR! :D
hello! i'm on my way to becoming a diamond LOL
it's a horrible feeling to get close to 30 for L1R5 and be bottom few in class.
i'm not used to this.
yes, you tell me it's not really a big deal since i'm a 3/1-ER., and it's okay cuz all the geniuses are in this class,things get overly competitive.
but getting Cs& B4s? no, it just proves i'm not smart enough.
i will only be convinced if i show you distinctions and B3s & i'm still near the bottom.
let's face it, vanessa's not a math and science person.
no matter how much i work or study, careless mistakes/stupid errors result in my downfall. i really dont want to drop any subject/go to combined science.
no offence, but it does hurt my pride.
what exactly am i fighting for?
myself & for the family's glory.
but this results in my parents mistakenly thinking that all that matters to me is getting awards and scholarships.
i'm studying so hard, partly because i want them to be proud of me. to take notice of me for that one moment. i'm always alone most of the time, and my existence taken for granted because it's assumed that they can trust me to be independent.
yes, i can do that. but every child deserves to feel loved too rightt?
as in the direct way/
everyone has a diff way of expressing their love for others. perhaps for my parents, it's just by showing their trust in me.
which therefore lead to me showing my love by working hard to repay them for giving me an education. O.o
i'm worried,depressed. the results are frightening.
but somehow my heart cant feel the absolute sadness.
i'm disappointed in you.
but there's no more pain,hurt.
i've forgotten how it feels like to be ruthlessly stabbed,and the knife slowly taken out of my heart. the harsh,lingering pain. it's left to bleed.
maybe cuz i'm so used to this.
so used to until it's nothing at all.
FIRST TIMES ARE USUALLY PAINFUL(dont think wrong!)
totally heart wrenching.
you just feel like you got a heart attack(maybe an acute one LOL)
and no, this is not being dramatic. trust me, it really sucks to get this feeling.
dont ever try(:
I'M NO LONGER CONSUMED WITH JEALOUSLY:D
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-10:37
Monday, 17 May 2010
say that you wanna be with me too♥
it turns out that my arms are overworked, not the legs.
HAHA;D
add bowling to the record.
this morning went to sch, felt horribly uneasy.
further more, i didnt sweat. had problems scanning in-.-"" LOL
didnt touch any books for the whole weekend. GOSH
felt so wrong. i was playing-.-
sleep over @ marianne&richard's house
going to 7 years since the yeo,choy&goh families had one together. O.o
spent the time transfering songs,strolling,friendly arguments,camwhore,movies,snacking,gossiping,church(mass),bowling,writing a book,balloon volleyball,board game,playing @ kidzone in the singapore clubhouse(esplanade).
it's been years since we last went there together! hahaa i rmbr i still couldnt swim at that time.and i was bloody short-.-" hm matthew was probably just one year old O.o LOL
felt incredibly old in the playroom,. HAHAHAH nolstagic eh.
and there was this super cute boy.HAHAHA OMG heeeheeeheee:DDD
love his eyes!
and all the girls were pretty protective of him. maternal instinct? ROFL
the brothers were noticeably jealous that we were showering too much concern on a stranger kid. HA! funny man.nvr expected that.=P
ALL SISTERS ARE AWESOME:D
got back some of the results. not ideal, but i'm quite satisfied. take it a step at a time.
chem, i lost 11 & half marks worth of careless/misread/eng errors. so wasted/sigh
THE HORRIBLE TRUTH:
原来在你眼里，我是那么不值得信任的。
i honestly dont know what to do.
i find it pointless now, to prove anything or say it directly in your face.
you wont believe me.
and neither do i wish it to be communicated to you this way.
it shld be felt, you shld be sure.
i'm not the independent variable and you the dependent variable.
that's not what i want.that's not what it means.
feeling so MESSED UP.
i thought of just hating you but it makes no sense.
since you didnt believe it, i might as well make the otherwise true.
but i cant bring myself to do that. i can fake it on the outside, but the inside will nvr lie.
it's just that you're not going deep enough to understand that.
you have got to know that not everything is superficial.
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-22:24
Saturday, 15 May 2010
keep holding on,cuz we will make it thru♥
''..keep holding on, cuz we will make it thru"
i'm feeling empty, REAL empty now.
we didnt get into the finals.
our efforts went down the drain.
placed so much emphasis on choreography
skipped ACCORDING to music
had pretty formations
and we included everyone in this.
but we lost out on one thing,
THE FEEL-GOOD FACTOR
we didnt have any pro skipper or any guy who was willing to do those 'extreme tricks'.
we were the first performance, so we couldnt get inspired by the others.
and at the end, it turned out that we could do their tricks too.
better coordination and aesthetic appeal dont matter. the no. of consecutive jumps dont matter.
teamwork doesnt matter much.
basically, _____'s judging criteria is FLAWED.
we followed everything according to what was on the portal. and we could have scored a lot based on that. but no, the judging became based on a one-man-feeling.
the rest could have got pinalised for certain stuff.
but rules and criteria were changed as ___ pleased-.-""
however we pride ourselves on the fact that we gave our all and were 100% ORIGINAL.
therefore, conclusion:
am i feeling sore over losing?
no. cuz we weren't exactly perfect. only ___ was at fault.
HAHA 3 consecutive days of extreme leg movement,
surprisingly didnt get cramps or what.
i mean i havent been moving much, cuz it's near work everyday.
study ,computer,study,computer
and now it's getting into the active lifestyle. O.o
but i'm giving it up)):
i cant afford it. but if opportunity arises, i will grab it :DDD
glen wanted me to go PA talent hip hop ytd, but i declined. feel bad. hm but i really cant make it in hip hop.besides, cca and sch work is taking its toll.
I WILL WORK HARDER(:
"no one said that it would be easy, they just said that it would be worth it."
vanessa will survive 3/1 & 2010
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-11:07
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
flash me your gay smile(:♥
VANESSA FINALLY JUMPED INTO THE POOL AFTER 4 YEARS :D
what an accomplishment!
haha miss the chlorine man
today's a great day but tmr shall be better(:
i love you, my somewhat awesome memory.or else i would have screwed up hist damn badly.
but it doesnt matter, IT"S THE END OF SA1!
yes ppl, all of us survived! whoo
had a freaking fun time @ the pool with kiran,mz,jh and perini(though you came EXTREMELY late)! HAHAHAH
my friends are such funny ppl :D so interesting~
god knows how many kilos i burned while LOL-ing.
damn epic. hahaa
OH AND NO CCA THIS WEEK!
yay can go out! yes, AGAIN.
haha sorry, before i turn into an absolute no-lifer, this is what i have to do.
freedom ends next week, so i shall make the best of my remaining days(:
saw the SOW in the email. terrible. but nvm lol
AND THE SEC TWOS ARE SUPER CUTE CAN:D
but i get erm, 'weird' smses every now and then. haha.
okay maybe i'm being TOO friendly already. O.o
I LOVE YOU 3/1! YOU ARE THE GREATEST MIRACLE.
2010 IS ACTUALLY A GREAT YEAR:D
because i've explored so many things and learnt loads in the process.
i just wish to be a better vanessa everyday(:
this year,
i've met too many great classmates. absolutely friendly and interesting ppl,
no need to feel intimidated(maybe except grades LOL).
jillian said that we might have a 3/1 outing. and guess where? IKEA. lols
tmr's bus trip to KWM gonna be funn(: let's see what weird things they can come up with.
i've gotten to know my sec twos better. surprisingly cute and once they open up to you, they're rather nice(:
there was chingay. and i knew great ppl:D
fulfilling experience, almost once in a lifetime.
HSH, yanhong,jiwang(: jinwen,melvin(: ladder B,siva(:
i rediscovered the relationship i have with my seniors.
i thought we grew further apart, but actually that's not the case. you guys are still very helpful & kind(: i can be somewhat irritating as a junior but really thanks for tolerating:D
i still have friends, even if we have gone our separate ways, and the lack of communication always threatens to tear us apart. i'm grateful, that you guys dont let it affect our friendship so much(:
I LOVE YOU PEOPLE.
I AM HAPPY! haha and i need a happy meal:DD *gay smile*
SNACK ALL YOU WANT DAY!
gonna need the kilos cuz i expect to burn lots of them in term 3! gahhhDD;
stressful life, but dont worries, we can pull thru together(:
SEC THREES JIAYOU!
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-21:03
Friday, 7 May 2010
♥
miracles dont happen in exams! haha
screwed up everything damn badly. only felt somewhat good after the chinese compo.
LIKE WHAT AN IRONY. HCL, OF ALL SUBJECTS.
lol;D
i think i 离题 AGAIN. aiya but nvm lor, the most dont get high marks.
at least i'm proud of my story! (:
I HATE YOU CHEM AND PHYSICS.
YOU WERE BLOODY EASY IN PAST YEAR PAPERS.
DAMN IT.
you might think i'm crazy, but 2009 one is a breeze.
okay, so maybe i'm just plain SUAY.
those that i'm good at, it's tested previously.
those that i suck at, really had to come up, A LOT.
geez, thanks eh.
hope for a pass!
chem+ss is the worst combi ever.
I LOVE YOU CHINESE. YOU SAVED MY FRIDAY AND WEEKEND:DDD
but what exactly is happiness to me?
i can crap a lot, but is this really how i feel towards it?
-in search of enlightenment- HAHA!
it's just how you perceive it.
快乐靠自己去创造，自己创造的快乐才是真正的快乐。
you know sth, 等待也是一种幸福! :D
that is, if you perceive it that way.
just looking at you, and knowing that you're there.
smileee((:
I LOVE YOU DARLING FRIENDS AND JUNIORS:DD
you make my day! hahahaa.
if 3/1's stressful, it's less so cuz of you angels(:
after exam programmes, currently:
-shopping trip
-picnic
-movie outing
-burying time capsule
-makan kaki s' day
-dance/camwhore session & LB party. (unsure)
-and i expect more mac lunches and shopping trips. O.O
therefore,
BOOK ME EARLY TO AVOID DISAPPOINTMENT.
heh heheh=P
i dont have many days to spare. cuz vanessa's a very good student/senior! haha zi kua~
OKAY SORRY, I"M SUPPOSED TO CONCENTRATE NOW>
JIAYOUS PPL!
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-17:29
Sunday, 2 May 2010
♥
I WANT TAYLOR SWIFT'S FEARLESS PLATINUM EDITION:DD
i know it was released like eons ago, but i still want it!
HAHAHA sorry. i know it's wrong to be distracted now=x
ENGLISH KILLED ME LIKE !@#$%
i know i can crap well. but not in this can.
i wanted some encouragement, so i went to read all the msgs/notes that ppl gave me.
and everything you guys wrote, it all came true. haaha
I CANT MANAGE MY TIME.
oh but anyways, weird weekend. hm
but i love it:D
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-21:20
