im finally discharged after 8 days!

and no one knows whats wrong with me.

FEVER FASTER GO AWAY.

GO AWAY IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST MY LORD, MY SAVIOUR AND MY HEALER.

i suspect ive been having a lowgrade fever since sunday );

it doesnt interfere in my carrying out of daily tasks. but a combination of things are wrecking havoc on my physical,mental n emotional health. which can kind of hurt relationships );

my heart is thankful that the impt ppl in my life are beginning to understand that im succumbing to chronic stress n fatigue after living an unsustainable lifestyle for about a year. thankful tht they are giving me time to recuperate n make changes during this week by not guilttripping me about not showing up in sch for the past 2 weeks.

im overwhelmed by 3-4 heavy commitments, doing things which people think is best for me. but some of these conflict with each other, and everyone wants me to fulfill what they want first. 

i have extremely amazing role models such as my leaders n also TLG. but my body and efficiency level arent like theirs x.x

both sides do not quite agree with each other, but i do believe in the good tht they are trying to bring out in me.

all i need is some time to rest and carefully think about how to balance both to suit my own personal lifestyle.

looking back at 2015, yes i was greatly blessed with sooo many people that care,worry and wish to help me.

but ive been subconsciously gearing myself to please all of them then i realised, oh. im really tired. i cant even drag myself anymore.

before it becomes severe burnout, i would just like to request for emotional support and not advice. because i wont blindly follow any longer.

i will start thinking of the 'self' which i tried so hard to suppress previously. finally i can hear my inner voices calling out to me n my body telling me that i need to take a break.

im sorry to C and TLG.

i rmbr when TLG said it pained his heart to see me like that. 

i know both of them really desire to help me cope, but sometimes i feel trapped.

the nature of my relationship with TLG has made it such tht the ppl in NV cant find out about our coupling.

but a romantic relationship represents a huge commitment. especially if it involves parents since day 1. 

C cannot know about this. so whenever she wants to help me, she simply cant.

because the existence of this large commitment which drains out my energy apart from studies n NV n maintaining friendships cant be mentioned x.x

which only leaves me with TLG who knows every aspect of my life. its just tht as a busy working guy, he usually offers solutions rather than emphathy.

i dont blame him though.

i still love him for trying to come up with solutions even though its quite obvious tht im not listening. and also for dealing with my anxiety.

TLG doesnt give up on me ❤

but in the past few days as i reflected, i noticed we have not had a htht for several months. many times our couple time is interuppted by other tasks/activities or shared with family.

perhaps we really need one to maintain a good underdtanding of each other on an emotional level.

and so the busy LG has kindly applied for leave this week so that we can finally have real couple time, just like an ordinary couple. 

happy girl blessed with a wonderful LG(:

treating TLG menya because he has been rewarding mr with so many things until hes kindof broke. haha.but awwwww ❤

at khatib countdown with family. ive always had the fantasy of watching live fireworks with my other half but i guess work has to come in first for TLG.hahah

new year dinner which looks more like a cny reunion dinner

namnam @PS

using the time this week to relax with my friends! doing what i really enjoy instead of going to school for vtp this hols!

when i think about it, ive neglected many people outside of NV last sem because i was simply wayy too busy. but im thankful tht they still want to go out with me this hols (:

maybe not many can say the same like me. so this is all God's grace!  

impromtu karaoke session with music by TH

TLG pampers me a lot ❤

thanks for sponsoringgg.

and also for the other 2 maxi dresses n white shoes.

at times i look at TLG n smile to myself, what ever did i do to deserve someone like him.

someone who clearly makes it known how special i am to him by setting aside the weekend for 'family', which i am alr considered part of; telling me exclusive info; buys stuff at random for me (even though he is extremely stingy with himself) just because he regards it as his personal duty to make me look good, etc.

also thankful for his family and his mom who treats me like a daughter n is also generous go my family. always observing what i need n then buying it for me. whenever there is something pretty she will also rmbr me. because she said that 'thats what moms are for.'

awwww t.t t.t t.t ❤

im really amazed at the people God has placed in my life even though i struggle at times. but ti give thanks in all circumstances...yess.there is plenty to be thankful for daily despite my current condition.

praise the Lord!