this is just the day when everything goes wrong

tears are miracle workers.
and i wonder what hormones or reactions are behind it.
simply put, those chem stuff in bio.

perhaps it makes learning reactions more interesting (and meanigful?) than the organic chem now ):

lost within my own wonderland and feeling so small.

why does the world seem so huge and the molehill becomes a hill, a hill becomes a mountain, and a mountain becomes god-knows-what D:

dark and challenging times lie ahead. saddled with so many stresses of life.

i dont understand whats going on. and i dont think i will be able to do well for A's ( by tht i mean arnd 3As,3Bs).

whats more, isnt it painful to think what a difference a year makes? (usually its painful cus each year just gets worse)

hows it possible tht just over a year ago we were inseparable, and u made one of the greatest sacrifice for me. thinking about it makes me feel apologetic, even though youre a nasty a******. yet just a few hours back, we were done with a heated argument and no one's talking. you, with your pretentious batshyt innocence and stubborn-as-a-mule; me, silently vowed to nvr ever,ever,ever give in to you again.

ridiculous!

maroooooon!
(it shld be)

bottom set of teeth is particularly sensitive so dental didnt feel so relaxing this time :0

doesnt the world feel cleaner aft a downpour?

i am petrified and angry and confused and apologetic with all the retaining crap going on

and if u dont forget your name, hows it logical that u forget promises?

u leave me to my own devices each time.

but im gladly and frustratingly occupied. and i get so lonely and bored during this period too.

ohh why am i such a paradoxical person...

my anger was about to shoot up to crisis levels but i think revisiting the past is quite healthy (:

those were definitely happier times and i yearn for a piece of tht right now.

ever know the feeling of being veryyy lost and empty aft your favourite drama/movie/episode/book ended?

its a double whammy for me now ):
and there may potentially be a third :0

which is why im back to rewatching goong (: joojihoon omggg
his character makes my heart get filled up and squeezed dry like a sponge. nt sure if this is good or what haha. but i feel sooooo much for this character and drama. its just like tate in ahs and katniss/peeta in thg.

i believe i deserve my own cinderella story(:

but i just havent met you yet..

day of thrills and spills!
good fortune and the equal opposite of it.

flagday + random outing with m and mich

my first polaroid with an a&f model! (yessss like finallyyyy)
we hesistated outside for so long tht it just became awkward lol

whats over is over but i find the days ahead yet more distant and lonely. i dont like the feeling of uncertainty and boredom.

at least we knew last time tht it would be a mad rush for pw right?
and now im like preoccupied with empty thoughts and worries.of what will happen tmr and such.
not happy but scary.

lately ive been super duper broke. went to buffet town aft op and 30bucks just disappeared from my hands (although it only became poop 2 days later lol). and then i spent 18bucks on lunch with ch and class bbq. well it could have been more but kind friends ARE like tht. hahaha :D

just imagine how tight my finances are. not even 50bucks and im penniless. really nth out of my pockets or mini money pouch. this is pathetic beyond any teenager's perception.

wish i could just freely enjoy but i feel bad for my parents. esp since ive not even worked once O.O

and so ive been thinking a lot.
of the past.the present.the future.

well, the past is tht i shld have turned the tables when i could. i mean being a lousy person as i am but i still feel i deserve better. barely 17 and u can say tht ive amassed a wealth of experience. like bad oness. other ppl may just think im slutty and despo but geee, im the unlucky one who's always made a pawn in other ppl's chest game.

i dont get why ppl can be so mean as to exploit my sense of insecurity. just because u know im afraid to lose you doesnt give you a right to make me your puppet.

yup so the present is harsh like beyond words. need to keep watching videos and ahs. alone on my bed. chilly.

i miss the warmth reminiscent of the older days. whr warmth was just a click or sms away.

srsly, many ppl cant be bothered to reply me and it stinks when its pretty obvious the person is online and has seen my msg.
epitome of outright rejection.

its making me freeze all over.
just go to sleep for awhile hur?
and when u wake up the sun will shine brightly o.o

nah. thats hardly the case. its probably rain splashing on my face or mr wind entered my room w/o knocking.

speaking of the future, uncertainty is really terrifying. im nt feeling tht all positive abt promos,pw grade, a lvl grade, whether i can find a job,whether i can get married off to a nice (god pls bless me at least once) guy.

flirted with the idea of being an air stewardess. well i suppose u dont have to be really brainy for tht job right? and it just combimes my love for the airport and serving ppl.

yes i do complain of being asked to do degratory stuff like moving the dustbin and guarding buffet tables while in my guides uniform but well, i dont see myself like a princess who xant do these sai kang duties. and anw i really really love to smile at ppl! its crazy cus even if my teeth are so misaligned i just cant help but show them off. its probably the imperfection tht i embrace the most. so yeah (:

thats just a thought so erm, dont judge me yet hahaha.

i.wish thr was someone to talk to me at this time ):