it hit me hard.

what am i doing writing senseless posts abt my life and frustration at someone when others are sharing their musings for the greater good.

im convinced i shld name my son josh :D

"im here to stay and make the difference that i can make"

i need to change my sleeping habits :0

i feel really blessed(:

"looking back at things ive done, i was trying to be someone"

but i was already someone, only tht i couldnt see it until now.

there wasnt anything for me to fear or prove at all.

to those it may concern,

thanks for not giving up on me even when im treating you unfairly.

for patiently waiting until the day i realise how much you mean to me

love(: is not a feeling tht comes and goes.

go ahead, just mess with my memories.

i wonder who will pull me back from it all

unsettled at 2.34am

what do i fill this bare wall up with?

guilt sorrow or delight?

i need to strengthen my resolve if im not to be defeated.

but, i dont ever think i can even shoot at those bunny ears..

just came out of my 1plus am bath, hair still wet, a huge no-no.

the whole day felt uneasy. i manicured and pedicured. the perini whatsapp chat was inactive. tht boy seems to still be up at this time.but hes ignoring me totally for the first time from what i rmbr.

i couldnt help but feel i needed to download catching fire, although reading the entire book on my tiny galaxy ace requires some straining and getting accustomed to.

reading the hunger games trilogy gives me mixed feelings everytime. surely those intimate moments and sweet liners are enough to make me enter flashback mode and start welling up with memories. how i now seem to have taken things for granted, and how i let it become a weakness he so easily exploited.

but reading it is enough to inspire me to be tough like katniss,maybe stage an uprising of some sort.. perhaps my feelings for tht boy?

i cant exactly pinpoint how he would have fitted into the peeta-gale-katniss triangle but if i could dig back deeper and immerse myself into a moment in the past, i think i did feel as conflicted.. w/o knowing who to choose.

obviously theres some pretty large discrepancy between the guys in the book and my reallife variations.

my gale does not share as much as me in common.

my peeta is not openly lovey and definite abt me.

but it doesnt run away from the fact tht i made wrong choices in life.

and my peeta is punishing me now.

thats why thr needs to be some escape for me. where katniss can make the right choice and live out what i pushed aside.

aft years of denouncing my absence of love for fiction,right now, i find myself suffocating without it..

you made a rebel`