Tuesday, 27 July 2010
♥
super relaxing day! HAHA:D
sometimes, it's just great to be sick.
cuz i dont need to go for training. LOL
damn awesome day(:
to top it off, i was unexpectedly contacted by iylia & glen for the most random of stuff.
yayy their words are amazingly powerful. awww
thanks for the concern these few days:D
i know i dont look like i'm sick.
unless you see my whole desk littered with biohazardous tissue paper.
eww
idk why. somehow i will just 'GLOW' when i'm unwell-.-"
when i'm fine, ppl ask if i wanna faint.
when i really do wanna faint, i look fine.
stupid siaa.
i ta han like mad you knoww.
i dont have the good fortune of my dad being my chaffeur as and when needed or my mum being the 'traditional mum' by placing her child of outmost concern.
so when i'm really unwell, i depend on my willpower to give me strength to make it back home without collapsing.
cuz i'm trained to be independent.
i train to not let it overcome me.
my mind, it's such a powerful tool.
maybe i've not been performing up to expectations academically,
because my mind is so mentally drained.
i constantly have to use it to self-counsel, counsel others, solve my problems, solve other's problems, worry abt my stuff, worry abt others.
yeah, NO WONDER.
but honestly, do i have to do so much?
i cant even handle my problems.
however i'm comforted, that at least you trust me enough to tell me your problems((:
and fyi, yours truly cut her hair.
LOL
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-20:16
Saturday, 24 July 2010
♥
OMG I WANNA SEE JAY CHOU'S CONCERT!
yes i love him(((:
cuz i've learnt to appreciate the beauty of chinese music.
chinese is awesome kayy! :D
and he's partly the reason of what i am now.
the lyrics, so meaningful.
honestly, other than from nature and blah,
his songs are my inspiration((:
it's just a pity that a jay fan is rare in my social circle..
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-12:12
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
♥
super screwed up day.
i only loved myself for jumping 176cm during pe.
and SOMEHOW, my height was measured till 170cm. (:
woah.
but being tall and female is a sad thing in this student environment.
HEIGHT DISCRIMINATION.
yeah, you never thought it existed rightt?
i feel so empty and out-of-place today.
the whole schedule was freaking wtf
and wth, i couldnt take napfa cuz had last min cca training.
siaannn -.-
maybe the desire to possess is taking its toll..
i dont like to be upset because of this.
i dont wanna go back.
right now, i'm reliving it again.
and uh, currently listening to if we ever meet again.
pretty bad idea, the beat is just making my heart go weird.
confused. heart. yeah
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-21:13
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
丢掉用不到的伤心旧回忆♥
100% AWESOMENESS + 100% HIGHNESS
tell you what, I LOVE 20JULY2010! hahahaha
oh but tmr's gonna suck cuz cuz of the countless 'costume' changes.
OH YEAH OH YEAH ppl.
andss has a major prob in wanting us to go on national television cheering that thing with our sch ties. zz. EH, free advertisement and publicity for sch on top of YOG ah ? that's cheap.
and 3/1-ers complete the 'nerd' and 'guai' look.
okay fine. whatever
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-21:50
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
walking into unfamiliar territory♥
smileeeeee((:
let's hope nth will crop up on the actual o lvl spa:D
2 more weeks! ah counting down!
WEEK 4 ONWARDS IS STUPID.
all the best ppl!
thank god my mouth reacts slower than my brain.
cuz i almost 'walao, go n die' -ed JW when i was at 3/6 ytd. LOL
but seriously, he turned around and was packing his bag, then i was sitting right behind him.
almost randomly, the word 'bitch' came out. -.-""
gosh, i thought he was calling me one since i was the only girl around and he was not making eye contact with the 'supposed bitch'. wth?
turns out, our dearest 'bitch' is a guy. diao
i'm so glad my mouth was sealed, if not MAJOR embarrassment. hoho~
and uh, i no longer think it's not a super thing to be sitting behind him:DDDD
awkward, yes. but i think i'm pretty much over it. whoo! go vanessa(:
guess what. debate topic is on anorexia.
like whaaaatt O.O
i read the fact sheet, i do have quite a lot of symptoms.
-attempt to use food and weight to deal with emotional problems
-their concern about their weight is overwhelming
-depression, exam results
-involved in many sch and community activities
-blame themselves if they dont get perfect grades, or if other things in life are not perfect.
-often in bad mood
-hard time concentrating and always thinking abt food
-always hungry
LOL and anorexia's a mental illness.
but to squash claims that i'm suffering from this disorder,
if i'm concerned abt weight, it's abt me being irritatingly underweight.
if i'm in a bad mood, it's cuz of stress.
if i am always hungry, it's because i really am and I WANT TO EAT.
if i go depressed over grades, it's because of the competition. it's because of the dream to make it to a top JC.
therefore conclusion: vanessa's just purely stressed out.
i'm really touched. honestly.
if i could live my life all over again, i'd wish i knew you earlier.
stormy days are just a blessing in disguise.
this is when you know who are the ones that will stand by you.
i want to take psychology. i think i've found my passion.
but mum doesnt exactly encourage it cuz of the much more limited job prospects.
i like to lift ppl up.
which is an irony since i always put myself down.
i am affected badly when others are unhappy. idk why.
it's just that i really cant stand it, i cant understand.
you're making yourself living in a world of lies, delusion.
it's not sth forced upon you, you have a choice.
i just want you to see the truth.
that you are appreciated for who you are(:
god saw your sadness and said " hard times are over."
i got this on 21 feb this year, from the most unexpectated of all ppl.
even though it wasnt very applicable on that day cuz i was still not over the euphoria of chingay, thankyou. it made my day(:
i love myself.
just not the pressure & tough matters i have to handle everyday.
i snack, a lot. momentary pleasure.
i cry, a lot. to let go.
what i'm short of, is just a hug at the right moment.
cuz i cant take it much longer)):
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-21:39
Friday, 9 July 2010
♥
i'm down on my luck.
and i had to buck the trend.
oral was so hard okayy)):
zombie was 'muahaha'-ing me cuz i muahaha-ed him 2 days back.-.-
yea, muahaha all you want.i know i was gloating over having an extra day over you-.-
but still, thanks for the luck. and to everyone who were so sweet as to wish me ytd and right before the exam(((:
sadd i couldnt attend seniors farewell.
iylia was like super sweet to save me a slice of pizza
(even though there was no guarantee that i could make it back before 4.30pm)
thanks! love you:D
i must learn to not judge ppl so easily.
cuz ppl really surprise me everyday.
those that are labelled 'slackers' by others, it aint always the case:D
i'm really heartened and appreciative. at least i know my efforts to help you guys didnt go down the drain. i've found the correct approach and i'm glad it's reciprocated.
thankyou! ,seriously. (((:
however i'm aghast at how everything is just directed at me.
stuff, whether or not it's under my charge, i still have to give an explanation.
ppl have seen how stressed my this week was,
and have definitely noticed that stuff always gets thrown to me.
izzit just because you find me really responsible? or i'm just a scapegoat?
i'm so sorry for making everyone worried.
i know my out of the blue silent moments with the stressed out face and tired voice over the phone really freaked y'all out.
but really, it's tough.
a day only has 24 hrs.
a year only has 365 days.
i dont have enough time to give to everyone.
unknowingly, youth day was the last day of my freedom.
it's gonna be intensive from now on.
afternoon lessons, cca,deadlines,CA2,training,napfa, o lvl SPA,LC,written,etc
and i still dont get why i have to sacrifice my time to go for cip.
the biggest reason why i joined chingay 2010 was so that i could quickly claim my 100 hours and then focus on studies after that. apparently, not gonna be the case,
i just find it real unfair.
and i'm only left with 2 days to work a miracle.
i dont even know if i can do it.
mom's contemplating abt calling up __ cuz she's worried.
i'm really touched, that ppl care.
although it can be for the stupidest of stuff,
like if i'm sick cuz i over-sweat,
if i'm mental cuz i just laugh to myself randomly
if i have 'super growth disorder'', etc.
to clear the air, i'm not anorexic or bulimic.
my metabolism is just sky-rocket high.
and they say that's cuz i 've got more muscle than fats.
LOL like seriously??
my mental state of health.
horrible.
depressed?
almost.
mood swings?
sort of.
one day, i may just develop a split personality.
the stuff that i have special connection to are like so extreme.
the very emo or the very optimistic.
hm, 2 faces of vanessa O.O
btw, i think guys who get turned off by girls with hearty appetites are gay.
okay bye
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-23:10
Monday, 5 July 2010
♥
YYY
for a better tomorrow;
-21:40
