its hard to fight off the feelings of jealousy. but its not hard to quickly move away from it either.

i have been subjected to a broadcasting spree of late, when im forced to know tht i didnt do as well or im not living the life of a teenager as i should.

sometimes i dont quite get what people derive from this, because i would be genuinely happy for you even w/o forcing you it in my face.
but once u do that, it sets up an unhealthy jealousy of whos better than the other. and honestly,it makes life pretty miserable.

then this is where the magic of lone time comes in. the more im alone, the more appreciative of what i have. i cannot emphasize how important personal reflection is, but even i am guilty of only doing it when im, well, alone under pretty forced circumstances.

i have this particular practice, where im a huge addict of screenshots and not deleting certain conversations.
i like to remind myself of the good fortune,laughter,excitement,heartpounding, crazy speculation, hurt and disappointment ive experienced all this while.

because to stay grounded, i just need to remind myself of my human qualities.

its natural to experience a wealth of emotions. and i cant have immediate control of all of it (esp the bad ones) .but at least aft the initial stage, leaving it behind is not hard to do. as long as i know that this is just part and parcel, and i'll just look forward to a better tmr. its really not that hard when i know that one day, i'll look at tht screenshot of my life that told part of the story of my growing up years, and also as an individual.

so im not quitting on my studies. i dont have high hopes but im really gonna try to do my best.
and i dont want to be forced to quit on any relationship anymore. it may be a valuable nasty lesson learnt, but its undeniable that a part of me would have been stolen.

of those who have stuck by with me through tthick and thin until now, im thoroughly blessed. esp to 3 of them who have made up for all the hurt ive undergone by giving me more than i could ever be thankful enough. they form part of the backbone to my spirit. i always seem to have a lot on my plate and i cant believe how selfless they are. they almost never tell me abt their problems and they simply just listen to my grouses and ask how i am doing. how many would be able to do that? but im really very lucky to know them (: we may not talk or meet up all the time, but we alw communicate in our hearts <3 (i promise i will not let you worry and rise above all challenges.)

they may not be conspicious but this is what really reigns.

felt like blessing my junior and 3 mentees (:

in this moment, we could all do with a little help and encouragement.

when i got home, i received a few messages. stuff tht i honestly thought i wouldnt get because i alw seem to feel forgotten from the main action lols. but thankyou for proving me wrong n making the effort all worthwhile(:

special shoutout to jiaying n py because they did a fantastic job in backing me up!! <3 thanks dearies i wouldnt know what to do w/o you. lets give the organising comm a pat on our backs!

but of course we dare not claim all credit because everyone else also contributed to the success of this outing in one way or another. even the staff at TJB. HAHA.

you gotta admit tht its tough to coordinate sth like this. so i think... that could be enough already. haha. im so drained. goodnight world!<3