there are days where i wonder where i fit into the puzzle of life...

sometimes i feel discouraged as an isfj.
because i dont see how the values i believe in are useful to the companies that i should supposedly aim for after graduation.

risktakers, creative thinkers, farsighted leaders etc - i'm none of that.
thus, i hardly feel useful at all in the outside world);

and i also feel a tinge of regret, for not realising who i am earlier.

perhaps i was also sucked in by the dominant line of thinking that i have to get a good degree and find a high-paying whitecollared job.

truth is, i abhor being stuck in an office. if i could be in an office position that has contact with people (eg HR? Lol), perhaps i could still tolerate it. since i can also 'see' myself as helping a person..

it's quite laughable how i have to understand myself better through personality test results and google searches.

from what ive obtained so far, ISFJs are 'nurturers', known for serving others and for the values of care, loyalty, stability,etc.

but you know how devalued care work is right? ): and you know how popular it is to take risks or be anti-establishment these days ?x.x

<s>unfortunately</s>,
i want to be on the ground creating personal bonds with people. i want to see them grow, and i want to do my part in maintaining structures (social regulation? haha).

as such, i do agree with the suggested career lists (generally in education, healthcare, social work or  religious institutions).

but the path ive chosen for myself in uni, i think it may be too late ));
so i will end up neither here nor there.
and this is the thought^ that makes me troubled.

my remaining time in uni seem so pointless since it's not like i have a stellar CV to land a $$job or the right credentials to pursue those career suggestions.

but i guess that if God closes some doors, He will also open others :)
im just waiting to discover them.

(tbh im halftempted to think tht the 'open door' = rely on tlg as my iron rice bowl. LOL)

oh wellll ~
im still learning how to see my 'strengths' as 'strengths', that what im given is beneficial and sufficient to equip me in whatever He planned for me to do.

curious to see how my life will be steered! and i wonder what i would blog about in ten years time.... :p