it's been tough to get rid of feelings of unwantedness, sadness, emptiness, helplessness, hopelessness ...

especially when everyone else is meaningfully occupied and has friends.

and im alone. again.

trapping myself.
because of my supposed obedience.

and sometimes i really wonder, will it all be worth it in the end?

will the future me want to turn back time n scream at myself now to grow some courage and seek greener pastures?

sighh.

__________

had an extra week of holiday since finals ended earlyyy. except that unlike previous sems, i dont really need this extra break.... @.@

last year was sooo crazy that i had burnout x.x which is why i told myself to take it slow n easy this year.

and lol, im given a finals timetable tht ends relatively early and a vtp schedule which is wayyyyy more slack than last year's.

plus im no longer working at M.
and tlg sort of banned me from meeting and/or talking to some of my friends O.O

oh and im not going on any holidayy this time.

which all just leaves me as a terribly bored individual with too much time to spare while everyone else is busy n progressing.

sighhhh.

on a side note, i did managed to occupy myself by clearing to-do list items such as going for vaccination jabs, returning books. collecting test paper, etc.

all the very mundane stufff .

i guess the highlight would be the jap curry lunch :p the daiso packet isnt too bad. but still nth beats going to coco ichibanya! :DDDD

and the 1for1 frappe at bishan park was niceeee. wished tlg had chosen to invest his remaining phone battlife on a nice welfie instead of looking at forums )):

__________

cats, conversations, singing and food are what keep me happy!

i still miss my moolek )):
probably my best n only cat pal <3
9 months on, i still have this unfilled gap in my heart. it's quite heartbreaking to know that she wont be there at the carpark or void deck for me to sayang.
i dont ever think shes replaceable.

ahhh but anw, i didnt get to eat any exceptional food during the mothers day weekend.

maybe thats why im still feeling sad... o.o
the lvl of sadness of being cooped up/trapped is too high.

the last time i felt this way was when i was stuck at ktph lvl 9 for 7days x.x

hm. caged bird syndrome?? lol